Random Rambling

Just a random post with no one theme…

#1

Conflict.

I am at a crossroads now. I still feel uncomfortable in groups. It will still take some time before I leave behind those agonizing days. On one hand, I want to move on and catch up in terms of social growth, a gap that I may never quite seal entirely. I have made huge strides in the past few years, but I still have much greater distances to cover as compared to my peers. Though I doubt that I will succeed at that, in the long term I would be more than contented to have a small group of friends that think on the same wavelength. On the other hand, I enjoy the solitude to pursue whatever I want without undue social pressures. For the time being though, I am in a little utopia which is tragically a bubble that is about to burst. At the end of it all, I am a paradox: longing to be alone, yet fearing loneliness. Sigh.

#2

No good deed goes unpunished.

Being nice doesn’t pay sometimes. People take you for granted or worse still, a fool. Perhaps I should take one step back into my shell of introversion for the time being to reflect. It is strange how people seem to have a sense of entitlement; more specifically, how I am obligated to help them when I owe them absolutely nothing. Is it right then for them to be upset, when I refuse them? You tell me. While I do not demand for anything in return, the very least that I expect is to be respected as a human being. After all, I am not a beast of burden.

#3

Sacrifice.

It has never hurt me so much as compared to countless other incidences in the past. Previously, it was just a minor annoyance having to forsake certain seemingly superficial niceties, but not this time. Not this time… I don’t know if maintaining my non-conformist nature is beginning to take its toll on me. There is another world out there that I was never aware of, so close, so tantalizing. My eyes have been opened to another perspective of life, one much less somber and based on cold logic. It is akin to a colour blind individual suddenly being able to perceive colours. One can only imagine of the initial euphoria of overwhelming intensity as he soaks in the added dimension of life. What was once a flat monochromatic world now has depth and vibrancy he beyond his wildest imaginations. Would sensory overload be too strong a phrase?